now there are things one hates in life and there are things one loves, and life, the eternal cindrella's-stepmother, invariably decides to dish out a generous portion of the hate-things on our unfortunate dinner plates. now, if cinderella, the poor mite, had brains enough to tune herself to like the hate-things, she wouldnt have suffered so much. infact among the five leading ladies of fairy land, she strikes me as the silliest; rapunzel was one helluva innovative chick--used her hair for late-night exits and entrances, successfully fooling the insufferable hostel matron, who by the way had a diploma in magic(no, in those days, there was no capitation fee) ; snow white successfully seduced her executor and got not one or two but SEVEN live in partners, imagine the eightsome! and whats more, the prince too. i bet, for him, 'experience mattered'. ; sleeping beauty gets my vote, hands down, i would do what she did, vis. sleep. ah peace!; and our little Red, i call her the quintessential New Woman, the earliest exponent of Feminism, infact Joan did an apprenticeship under her: now, what happened was this--little red was taking a walk round the new showroom of 'woodlands' and this wolverine look alike came along. Red has always rather admired the series, but as it turned out, this hunk was a nosey fella, he wanted to know where Red was going and offered to walk her there (yep! he didnt have a car. sad.) poor Red had to invite him inside granny pam's house: and lo and behold! turns out that wolverine dear is an old fan of pam andy (read, gran. and granny pam hasnt shrunk a bit. wink wink). Red decides, thats it. anyway his whiskers intervened way too much when she tried to teach him how to give Artificial Respiration.and man, he stinks! so this gaping-like-a-cod-fish at gran pam's you-know-whats wasnt really helping his case and when Red spotted this rather hot looking guy with an axe 'effect?' (ah! a world for machismo) she decided to do away with wolverine, experiment number something. so you see, the poor mite, our dear enslaved cindy hadnt much brains..though she finally managed a prince. i guess i shall have to give her that.
but im straying from the point: i was talking about like-things and hate-things; now one of my many hate-things is an inebriated fool. they are enough insufferable when ebriated, anyway. i shall be short (okay,you KNOW im not talking about my infernal height) and pithy here (its NOT a typo for pity, buy a dictionary, moron.) and state the affairs of the recent dearly departed 31st december, 2007, night o'clock :
scene 1: a club lobby. man, say about 24-25,resonably handsome, dinner suit clad. wailing. yes you got that right. wailing. crying. at the top of his voice. didi amar shathe kotha bolchhe na..( my sister isnt talking to me..) the sister in question is standing a few yards off, visibly forsaken of any responsibility whatsoever towards this wailing sibling. meanwhile, another man, presumably the sister's husband tugs away at this guy's lapel, in faint hope of bundling the cattle home.
scene 2: the same club, washrooms: a barely clad lady stuck her face into the pot and waited..lets say for the butterflies in her stomach to come flapping their wings out from her mouth. (im a poetic bitch. kudos to me) i go to the restroom, finish, come out, brush my hair, put on more lipstick, some more kohl, some more perfume, and finally at long last im done. she's still stuck with her face inside the pot, one arm on the flush. as if waiting for the "readddy steaddddy GO." i wonder if robert bruce had any kinship with her ancestors.
scene 3: house party. plump panju girl recounts tale "of how i was mistaken for a Russian citizen at the airport" GLEEfully. "but i WANT to be Indian" she quipped. im a little obtuse, but i really didnt understand the 'want' factor.
i rest my case.
p.s. these are the mere 3 that i could state because i have little or no connection with the aforesaid demonstrators. there are lots of juicier episodes, but i would be burnt in public if i stated them.
12 comments:
Hutom pNyacha-r lyabenchoos bhallage. Lyabenchoos-er olpo miThe, olpo koRa, Tok-jhaal swaad lege thaake hutom-er biscuit-eo. ;-)
hashbo na kdbo bujhtei parchi nah
way to go rij!!!!!
one of the best posts i have read in a loooong looong time
This is really a different perspective of looking at things, putting the truth wrapped in chocolate flavor lyabenchoos:)Though with my limited knowledge of English (one of my nemesis from my very childhood) I don't know whether it was your inteention to write inebiration or there is actually a word like that...Overall this piece is one good food for the thought:)
@hutum bikku: ammo hojmee khete bhawobasee
@rohit: wanted to write sarcasm/humour/etc. for a long time. the other blog was typecasting me too much. so finally, here's to all us laugh-starved souls. keep coming, hon.
@hnuko mukho: inebiration means drunkeness. eai holo goppo, buile khoka?
Ha! This is more like it; matter-of-fact witticisms, loved it :)
I've million experiences with drop-dead-drunk people.
One such took place on the same date as your's, when a guy tried to convince me that he was property of the Indian Govt. and was currently "under testing" as a WMD against the US. I sincerely hope he is :)
But from someone who HAS also been at the receiving end of the wrath of 12 tequila shots: "I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!"
@notgogol: great to see you here.i thought it would be more to your taste :-) i eas dying o recount the tale of a friend who chased a guy across the road shreiking "i know you, you are that Russian porn star.." but ofcourse he would kill me, if i did.
and erm..im inebirated once in a while too, so i guess, i will have to do that for honesty's sake..write a quintessence of inebiration part 2, perhaps??
plump punju???
Ah, quick reply :)
Ha.. I can help you part 2. I've seen a guy being chased down a long hostel corridor by a drunk-dopeheaded mob yelling "He peed on our weed! Kill the fool who peed on our weed!!"
He was half-asleep 10 seconds before that and had no idea what was happening, but nonetheless, he ran.. ran for his life :P
but but but ...
he ws a RUSSIAN PORNSTAR who juz looked like an INDIAN cab-driver...
rij.stop the typos.it is inebriation.not inebiration.
and then when i'll let you know about my own deeds....you'll have another post on that. :-P
nice read - very funny... but umm, I didnt understand some bits tho - went over my head - whooooosh!
funny...Rapunzel and miss red feature in my blogs. And yes of course ... aamio hojmee khete bhawoobasee ... unfortunately sometimes I am just hardcore bong instead of 'wanting' be one :)
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